Last Christmas, Part Four, Conclusion

Carter didn’t like the closed expression on A.J.’s face. It seemed pretty clear the man didn’t want to listen to what Carter had to say and had already made up his mind he wouldn’t like it. He wondered if he really was fighting a losing cause and A.J. wouldn’t be willing to give him another chance no matter what he said. There was only one way to know.

Last Christmas Eve had been a magical day.



“Merry Christmas!” A.J. hugged and kissed him when he answered Carter’s knock on his apartment door.


“Mmm, that’s quite the welcome,” Carter said, with a laugh. He pulled A.J. close, his hands cupping the tight, round ass. He'd never known anyone as beautiful as A.J. "You really do take my breath away, baby."

A.J. leaned back and gifted him with one of his adoreable blushes, his violet blue eyes sparkiling with happiness. "Sweet talker." 


A.J.’s apartment was decorated to the nines. A big, beautiful fresh Christmas tree took over most of the living room. And on every wall was a fresh pine wreath. Various old word Santas filled the apartment, as well as stockings, and bowls full of brightly wrapped Christmas candy.


A.J., himself, had a rather silly Christmas sweater on liberally sprinkled with reindeer and snowflakes. His smile lit up the room more than any decoration. “I got a little carried away, but I’ve never had anyone come over to my place for Christmas Eve before.”


Carter grabbed his hand and kissed him thoroughly. “The place looks great. And whatever you’re making smells amazing.”


“Parmesan chicken. Um, with twice baked potatoes and a salad. I have Ooey Gooey Pumpkin Cake for dessert. I got the recipe from my friend Shayne.”


“It all sounds wonderful. I can’t wait to take a bite.” He nuzzled A.J.’s neck.


“Hey, if you start that, dinner will be really late.”


He moved to capture A.J.’s lips. “Would that be so terrible?”

“First, I should apologize for Christmas Eve. I should have responded when you told me you loved me. I guess I was thinking you only said it because we were having sex at the time.”

A.J. nodded. “Yeah, that was probably the reason.”

“You tell every guy you’re having sex with that you love them?” He didn't like to think about A.J. with anyone, though that was selfish, and even less A.J. telling other men he loved them. 

A.J. shrugged, but didn’t say anything.

Sighing, Carter continued, “I knew afterward you actually meant it, it wasn’t just sex talk. But by then, it was too late. Things were already in motion.”

“Things being dumping me.”

A.J.’s voice was laced with such bitterness it gave him pause. It hurt to think he’d been the cause of such a change in the sweet, bubbly man.

“I didn’t want to break up with you, A.J. I really liked you.”

“You liked me.”

He nodded. “Maybe I even knew then that I loved you. But, things ended up not being quite over with Doug.”

“Where is Doug anyway?”

“I’m coming to that,” Carter said softly. “You have to remember that Doug and I were together for five years prior to our breakup.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“It was my decision to end things when I found out Doug was cheating,” Carter explained. “But you aren’t with someone for five years without having a great deal of love for them, even when the relationship no longer works.”

A.J. didn’t respond, just stared at his hands, clenched together in his lap. He looked so sad and so heartbreakingly beautiful, Carter really did have trouble breathing. But he had to get this out.

Swallowing, Carter said, “On Christmas, Doug came to see me. He’d found out he had stage four lung cancer and only had months to live. We both spent a lot of time crying that day. Though I knew I couldn’t be a romantic partner to him anymore, I couldn’t let him spend his last months alone. And I could have told you about that at the time, but honestly, you’d only been with me a few weeks and it seemed unbelievably selfish of me to ask you to put your life on hold while I cared for Doug.”

“I see,” A.J. whispered.

“At first, I didn’t want to believe him. Doug had always been a bit manipulative. But he showed me the test results and brought me with him to see his oncologist.” For a moment the memories became too much and his eyes stung with tears. “He passed away in June.”

“I’m sorry.”

Carter nodded. “He spent those last months in pain, but I gave him what comfort I could. The guy he’d been cheating with wanted nothing to do with a sick Doug. He left me in charge of his estate and I spent the first couple of months getting his affairs together and settled.”

A.J. still didn’t look at him, but his expression had thawed several degrees. “You should have told me all this then.”

“Maybe. I don’t think it would have made our breakup any easier.”

A.J. gaze rose to his face. “At least I wouldn’t feel like a fool who’d been used.”

Carter moved closer to him and grabbed A.J.’s hands. “I never meant for you to feel that way. I cared so much…I just didn’t know what to do. You made me realize then that great guys still existed, that love could be out there again for me, when I had lost hope. That’s why, even though I’ve spent the last several months telling myself not to bother you, that you probably have found someone far more worthy of you than me, I came to see you.”

“How do you know there isn’t someone else now?”

The thought was a knife in the heart, but Carter made himself ask, “Is there?”

A.J. closed his eyes briefly, shielding his gorgeous blue eyes from Carter’s gaze. When he opened them, his eyes were bright. ”No, Carter, there’s no one.”

He nearly went to his knees, giddy with relief, but reminded himself that didn’t mean A.J. would give him…them another chance. “A.J., I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but I’m going to anyway.”

“Carter—”

“Wait.” Fear of what A.J. planned to say had Carter moving off the couch and kneeling before his former lover. He ignored the twinging protest in his knee. “Please, won’t you let me in again? I want to erase those memories of last Christmas. I want just the two of us to be together this Christmas. I want to give you the best holiday you’ve ever known. I just need to prove to you that you can rely on me.”

“I…I need some time, Carter. For the last year I’ve practically hated you—

Carter winced.

--and now well, I guess I can understand what happened with Doug and maybe even why you didn’t tell me, though I wish you had.”

“I know.”

“So, I have to think about this, Carter, I’m sorry. I can’t tell you right now whether I’m willing to try again.”

Obviously not the answer he’d hoped for, but Carter knew he had to accept it. Swallowing the hard lump in his throat, he nodded and sat back on his heels, willing his knee not to give way when he rose up and humiliate him further. He managed to stand though his leg wavered a second.

A.J. stood, too, and to Carter’s disappointment he headed toward the garage. He was leaving. Something told Carter if he took A.J. back to the mall where his car was he’d never see A.J. again. His former lover wouldn’t give him another chance.

Carter made himself follow after A.J., opening his mouth to at least suggest he stay for dinner as planned or if not that, they’d go to a restaurant after all, and then he remembered something he’d put in his pocket earlier that day. He hadn’t really known why, but now it seemed quite fortuitous. He snagged the little item out of his pocket and held it above his head.

A.J. stopped at the closed door and turned around. “I—”

His gaze caught sight of the mistletoe Carter held in his hand perched carefully above them. A.J.’s tongue came out to run along his bottom lip.

An invitation.

Carter leaned in and covered A.J.’s mouth with his, the kiss gentle at first, but soon he crushed A.J.’s soft, pliable lips under his, plundering inside with his tongue. A.J. moaned and his arms came around Carter’s neck and to him, it seemed as though A.J. had surrendered. He certainly hoped so.

Eventually they had to come up for air and it was A.J. who gently pulled away. His eyes were glazed with desire and his already full lips were pouty and swollen.

“You don’t play fair,” A.J. whispered, but there was no censure in his tone.

“No. I won’t. I want you in my life too badly not to be direct.”

A small smile curved A.J.’s lips. “I…guess we can try again.”

“You guess? You need another one of these.”

Carter kissed A.J. again, long, sweet, and thoroughly, until both of them were breathless and quite aroused.

A.J. sighed and leaned against him. “Yes, we can try again. I want to spend this Christmas with you, Carter.”

Closing his eyes in relief, he held A.J. tight. “Thank you. You’ve made this the merriest damn Christmas I’ve ever had.”

A.J. laughed and pulled back enough for Carter to see the sparkle in his blue eyes. “Do you think dinner can wait just a little longer?”

“If I have you in my arms, it can wait forever.”

“Not forever, Carter. We’d die of starvation.”

Carter chuckled, feeling so ridiculously happy he feared he was only dreaming. He tossed the mistletoe to the floor and his lips hovering near A.J.’s, he said, “Merry Christmas, baby.”

“Mmmerry Christmas.”